Recruiters: How To Get Ignored

I don’t envy Technical Recruiters. They have tough job trying to place people in roles the recruiter himself doesn’t understand. I don’t blame them. The ever shifting sands of technology can be confusing. What other field completely changes landscapes every 3-5 years? Who can possibly keep up with just the new Javascript frameworks that came out this year, much less 30 years of technological nuances.

However, most programmers will share stories of a recruiter email going like this:

Recruiter: Hi Fred, I came across your resume and I see you would be a perfect fit for a great developer role in Java with an awesome company.

Fred: I don’t even have Java on my resume and I know nothing about it!!!!!

As to why we get these emails, I can explain by simply translating:

Recruiter: Hi Fred, I came across your resumeYou came up for some reason in our Applicant Tracking System and I see you would be a perfect fit hope you would send me your resume so I can get my $10 bonus, or even go on an interview for this so I get a $50 bonus for a great developer role in Java with an awesome company Hey, I really need a commission this month. The economy sucks and my kid needs braces.

Most often, I’ll help recruiters where I can, because at the end of the day, they are helping someone get a new job. Most people take new jobs because they either don’t have one, or they want greener pastures. So either way, it is a win/win. However, today I got an email on LinkedIn by an especially useless recruiter looking for help. Here’s the email, minus personal information:

Date: 7/03/2012
Subject: Fun with developing!
Hi,

I hope you don’t mind me reaching out to you, but I was hoping you could point me in the right direction…

I’m working with a bunch of awesome, dynamic companies in the area (Raleigh, Charlotte, Greensboro and beyond!) that are looking for developers and programmers in all kinds of technologies (Php, Java, .net, mobile, and Project Managers just to name a few).

I was wondering if you or someone you know might be interested in some new opportunities.

My contact info is below, feel free to forward my information! Thanks for your time, hope to hear from you soon!

Blahblahblah
Someco.com

Let’s try to translate this one, shall we?

Date: 7/03/2012
Subject: Fun with developing!
Hi,

I hope you don’t mind me reaching out to you, but I was hoping you could point me in the right direction I have no idea how to do my job. I was selling used cars and it didn’t work out…

I’m working with a bunch of awesome, dynamic companies in the area (Raleigh, Charlotte, Greensboro and beyond!) I have no current clients, but I see there are lots of ads on Monster and Careerbuilder. I’m going to pitch candidates at anything that moves just to see if I can get my foot in the door that are looking for developers and programmers in all kinds of technologies (Php, Java, .net, mobile, and Project Managers just to name a few) I don’t have any specific job orders to recruit for, so any warm bodies will help. Ya can’t sell a product, if there is no product to sell, am I right? I’m willing to do anything. Does your cousin know how to spell ‘Computer’, send him to me so I can put a resume in the system and get a bonus.

I was wondering if you or someone you know might be interested in some new opportunities Look, we are having a fire sale on job candidates this week. Either I get some new candidates, or I get fired. I really don’t want to go back to the used car lot.

My contact info is below, feel free to forward my information! and even though I just sent you an unsolicited email, I want you to personally vouch for me, and spend your time forwarding my contact information to anyone with a pulse, because as we know, there is a severe shortage of technical recruiters out there. Thanks for your time, hope to hear from you soondon’t forget, my kid needs braces so hurry up, willya?!

Blahblahblah
Someco.com

What can we learn from this?

If you ask for help, please ask for specific help. Remember, the other party is going to weigh the benefits of helping you and if it isn’t clear how you want to be helped, it isn’t clear why you SHOULD be helped.

I’m not going to reply back to the recruiter, because I’m not really sure how to help them.

What sort of recruiter stories do you have?